You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
