Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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