My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
