so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we should paint friendship bongs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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