i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
