Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
