I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
