you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
