i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
