Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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