And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
