plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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