I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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