i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
