can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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