I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
