it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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