Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
