I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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