What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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