lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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