I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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