Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
