literally had 100 drinks last night.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
