she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
