I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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