from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
