What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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