naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
where are my eyebrows?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
