So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
