so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
