I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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