dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
