these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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