I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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