his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
