there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
