i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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