we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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