like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Someone shattered a urinal.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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