i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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