this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
