I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They took my balls.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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