Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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