My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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