They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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