70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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