i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
