i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
