Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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