I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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