Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
