Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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