I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
