Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
