I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
