Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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