U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
