I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you would pick up someone in the library
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
