The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
