Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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