I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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