can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
