we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
