Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
