he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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