She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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